The promo began in a very 80's sort of way. There was a big, green EBWF Logo backdrop and two wrestlers standing in front of it. Two Diva's. Two Ninja's. Portia Perez and Nicole Matthews. Since this was Portia's match she stood in front while Nicole remained in the background with her arms folded. Portia pointed at the camera while her completely not ridiculous and cool top-knot hair style sort of flopped around.
Portia Perez: Kelly Kelly, you are the most inefficient, unequivocally worst wrestler I've ever seen! Do you have a finishing move? Does anyone know what is it? Do YOU know what it is? Because I am absolutely, one hundred percent positive that no one on the planet has ever seen you use it before! If I was hit by a truck, attacked by a gorilla, had all of my bones broken, shot and stabbed right before our match started..you still couldn't hold me down for three seconds!
Nicole stepped forward with her arms still hidden behind her back. Her composed and more stern tone of voice counteracted her partners brash, far louder energy.
Nicole Matthews: Kelly Kelly lacks the basic fundamentals that are necessary to achieve any type of success at this level. Furthermore, to consider her a threat or any type of challenge would be extremely laughable. It is in my opinion that her non-Canadian upbringing and the pitiful lack of ability is the culprit. The startling fact that she has remained on this roster for this amount of time is both insulting and disparaging to my senses.
Portia kept quiet for a few moments after that droning explanation.
Portia Perez: ..YEAH! Hit the bricks, buttercup! Kick rocks! Scram! Vamanos!
Nicole Matthews: Depart. Leave. Deviate.
Portia Perez: You're the WORST, Kelly Kelly! Bad! Terrible! Rotten! Horrible!
Nicole Matthews: Uninspiring. Lackluster. Milquetoast.
Both ladies nodded to one another in approval.
Portia Perez: Have you ever done ANYTHING anyone has ever remotely cared about? Do they pay you in monopoly money? You have a worse win-loss record than S.D. Jones, Leapin' Lanny Poffo, and Barry Horowitz combined! I don't even know who that last person is!
Nicole Matthews: Barry Horowitz is an American professional wrestler, best known for his time in the World Wrestling Federation. Horowitz attended Florida State--
Portia waved her hands about to cut off her partner who apparently had a Wikipedia app living in her head.
Portia Perez: Not important! What is important right now is that Kelly Kelly is in for a fist clenched, steam roller beating! We mentioned that Kelly Kelly doesn't have a finisher and that's because she's never actually pulled off an offensive manuever! I on the other hand..!!
The Ninja in question who was competing this week rose a finger proudly to the sky.
Portia Perez: Know all KINDS of moves! I can do a Dropkick! I can do a Leg Trap Sunset Flip Powerbomb! I can do a spinning wheel kick! I've got a little something in my arsenal known as the dreaded KOSHER PICKLE! That would be a spinning OR FLIPPING inverted double underhook facebuster! How can she defend against that?! How can ANYONE defend against that?! They can't! That's how!
Nicole Matthews: There is no defense for a move like that. It's impossible to dodge. Blocking is out of the question.
Portia Perez: And that's not even my finisher!
Portia held her hands on either sides of her head and made an exploding motion.
Portia Perez: Your mind is blown, isn't it? Good! Because we're not wasting our times with Kelly Kelly! We want those tag team titles and we're gonna get 'em! We only won the Shimmer tag titles like eight hundred times so this shouldn't even be a problem! Kelly Kelly! Don't try to turn the tables on me! I'll turn the tables in a wrong way! You got me mad now! I've done everything necessary! Get in the ring with me! This time, I'm GOING - FULL - FORCE.
Portia made growly angry faces at the camera because that's everyone in the 80's seemed to do in these kind of promo's as this promo from 2013 ended.
