Sunday, August 4, 2013

Look ya'll a promo.

A contest in which two pro wrestlers try to determine which one of them is more bad ass than the other was serious business and came with very bragging rights. One such contest was taking place right at this moment in the locker room of The Canadian Ninja's. Both of the young women who comprised the team were dressed in their ring gear and pre-match hoods as they tried to up-stage one another.

Portia Perez: Top this.

The smaller but equally as powerful member of the team slowly drug her tongue along the side of a shiny, silver sai. A sai being a three prong bladed for those of you who are keeping score or never watched Ninja Turtles

Nicole Matthews: Top THIS.

Nicole reproduced the action but she decided to slide her tongue along a katana that was so shiny that you could see your reflection in it. Portia was impressed.

Portia Perez: Damn it. Well, see what you've got against THIS.

Portia did the same thing but this time she pulled her hood over her eyes when she did it.

Nicole Matthews: Not fair! A hood makes everything more bad ass!

Nicole pulled down her own hood and the two continued to lick at the cold steel they held.

Portia Perez: BLEH!

Nicole Matthews: Bleh, bleh!

And then Coach walked in and looked pretty freaked out by all of this.

The Coach: Oh no.

The Ninja's looked towards Coach with their tongues still on their weapons while they peeked out from behind their hoods.

The Coach: The last time I came to interview you two I had those ninja star things tossed at my head!

Nicole Matthews: Strictly an accident, Coach.

Portia Perez: And we were aiming for your face. Not your head.

Coach still seemed apprehensive since that explanation wouldn't calm anyone's nerves.

The Coach: Can you please just not throw anything during this interview?

Portia Perez: Alright, alright, DAD. We won't throw anything. 

Nicole and Portia threw their weapons over into a corner where they landed with a couple loud clanging sounds. Coach remained silent.

Portia Perez: ..At you.

Nicole Matthews: Coach. It's fine. Portia just gets a little hyped when she has something in her hands that could potentially dismember or decapitate someone. Who doesn't feel that way in the same situation?

The Coach: Anyone who isn't a serial killer?!  

Portia Perez: Coach! Just ask your questions, man! You come in here and just kill all the buzz we've got going with your "I don't want ninja star's thrown at me" and all that! 

The Coach: I think it's a fair request. But, but, I want to congratulate you on your victory at the last Warfare!

Portia and Nicole instantly broke out into a victory dance that was so choreographed that they had to have been practicing in the event that this would be brought up.

Nicole Matthews: We're wealthy!

Portia Perez: We're prosperous!

Nicole Matthews: We're opulent!

Portia Perez: We're plush!

Nicole Matthews: We're gilded!

Portia Perez: We're-

The Coach: Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a moment here. You didn't let me finish. Not only did you pick up a victory but one of the teams involved in that match was the newly crowned Tag Team Champions: The Beautiful People.

The two Canadian Diva's looked at one another. 

Nicole Matthews: We're wealthy!

Portia Perez: We're prosperous!

Nicole Matthews: We're-

The Coach: Whoa! WHOA! But you haven't been named number one contenders yet!

They looked at each other again but with annoyed looks instead of the spirit of dance and celebration.

Portia Perez: WHAAAAAAT?! What kind of Canadian discrimination is this?!

The Coach: Chris Jericho is Canadian so I don't think that's it. But if you can get another win against Lacey and Rain I'm sure that would go along way towards getting you that title shot.

Nicole Matthews: How do we know Chris Jericho isn't a self-hating Canadian?

Portia Perez: Yeah? How do we know?

The Coach: I..guess we really have no real way of knowing?

Nicole Matthews: And how do Lacey and Rain know what it feels like to get their heads kicked off?  

Portia Perez: They don't! Not until Monday anyway! 

Both of the practitioners of some form of Asian combat threw super kicks towards Coach's head but made sure to stop short of connecting since that would cause his cranium to explode. Coach's arms were buried over his head.

Portia Perez: Your weakness is disgusting to me.

Nicole Matthews: Tae Kwon Do is terrific for keeping in shape, but it's also a deadly serious killing system. 

Portia Perez: And we are deadly serious killing machines. And we are going to KILL Lacey and Rain.

Nicole looked at Portia sharply and shook her head.

Nicole Matthews: We've talked about this. Canadian's can't go around saying those sort of things.

Portia Perez: We are going to DEFEAT Lacey and Rain.

Nicole Matthews: Good girl.

The Coach: B-B-Best of luck ladies.

Coach backed away and was thankful that he could conclude the interview without his life being threatened. By weapons.  

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